20 Simple Ways To Reconnect When You Feel Like You're Drifting Apart
Let’s get real here, okay? Most (if not all) relationships go through peaks & troughs of connection & disconnection, so don’t get sucked into the story you’re telling yourself that you are the only one feeling this... That everyone else is doing it better than you are. That you’re the only ones who feel like ships passing in the night, rather than the loved-up super couple you once were.
If you feeling like you’re drifting apart, if you’re in the trough of disconnection, or life’s just so freakin’ busy with kids, work, the dog, family, ALL. THE. THINGS. that you seem to be more flat mates than partners, here are a few simple ways you can reconnect.
1. Write a list of things that you like or love about your partner. Share it with them.
2. Send your partner a photo a day for a week, choosing something you know they’d like. A flower you saw or a dog you met on your walk. The way the sun hits the buildings in your street. A vintage car parked outside your office. A selfie 😉
3. Bring home your partner’s favourite snack, chocolate bar or ice cream & allow them to eat the whole lot themselves. Even if they offer to share, don’t. Allow them the simply luxury of eating it ALL.
4. Do something with your partner that they love, but isn’t necessarily your jam. Don’t like football much but your partner loves it? Watch a match. Prefer slothing at home but your partner loves the theatre? Go. Share time with your partner doing something they love.
5. Take over a chore or task that your partner usually does (especially one they dislike doing), without them asking. Just do it so they don’t have to. Surprise your partner by lightening their load. Pay the utilities bills. Scrub the shower. Wash out the compost bin. Mow the lawn.
6. Surprise your partner with a card in the mail, or a simple something delivered to work or home. A random, surprise act of spoiling. Have their favourite lunch delivered at work. Book a massage for them.
7. Say something nice to your partner “since we’ve been together, I... (fill the gaps with your own words) smile & laugh a lot more” or “you’re the kindest, smartest, most generous, funniest (fill the gaps) person I know” or “thanks so much for hanging in there with us, you mean the world to me”
8. Hold hands – walking down the street, driving in the car, sitting on the couch. Reach for & hold your partner’s hand.
9. Ask your partner questions about their day, their friends, their family, their interests or challenges. Listen deeply & fully to their answers
10. Make your partner lunch & leave it in the fridge with a note – “Here’s your lunch. Have a great day. See you tonight, I love you x”
11. If you leave for work before your partner, make their morning coffee / tea & hand it to them before you go. Or give it to them in a keep cup if they leave first.
12. Have a shower together. Offer to wash your partner’s back, or dry their hair.
13. Think about & share 3 good things about your partner / your relationship. Challenge yourself to do this EVERY day. By focussing on the positives, we see more of them.
14. “Thank you for...”
“I’m so grateful...”
Say thank you, & show your appreciation for your partner. Are you grateful that he cooked dinner? Do you love how she laughed at the funny story you told her? Share it. Make sure they know.
15. Talk about Love Languages – what is it that makes you feel loved? What is it that makes your partner feel loved? Once you know what your partner’s love language is, use it as your guide.
16. Honour your partner’s unique quirks. Those things that only he or she does. The things that make your partner special. Notice them & comment on them.
17. Carve out some time on the calendar. It doesn’t have to be a “date night” but block out some time you can spend together, without interruptions (kids, phones, email, work, family) just the two of you. Coffee in the garden. A walk. Dinner. Keep it simple but protect the time for yourselves.
18. Look into each other’s eyes. When you talk. When you say hello or goodbye. When you kiss. Or simply sit and look into each other’s eyes for a few moments. It might feel weird at first, but it’s a super powerful way of reconnecting with each other.
19. Hug – for six seconds. Lean into each other. Hold your partner for 6 seconds. Sounds mad, right? But 6 seconds allows time for oxytocin (aka “the happy hormone”) to be released.
20. Laugh together! Find something funny to share – movie, meme, story – & have a bloody good laugh. Laughing together is a simple free easily accessible way to being to enjoy one other again.
21. And my bonus suggestion... if your partner has had a busy or rough day, notice. Ask it they’d like to take some time out for themselves. To be alone. Gift them the time to do what they most need and want for themselves, without demand or guilt or obligation. Allow them to simply BE.
