THREE THINGS I WISH I KNEW...
3 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 𝐈 𝗪𝐈𝐒𝐇 𝐈 𝐊𝐍𝐄𝗪 𝗪𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐈 𝐃𝐈𝐕𝐎𝐑𝐂𝐄𝐃
It’s 13 years (I think... I don’t really keep count) since I separated from my ex-husband and there’s been a whole lotta lessons learned in that time. Some of this stuff I kind of knew or thought I understood. But I know now, I didn’t really get it at the time. I get it now.
1. YOU REMAIN CONNECTED If you have kids and mutual friends or, if like my extended family have done, your family remains close to your ex, you’re never totally separate from one another. There are bonds that hold you together forever. You need to maintain a relationship and that TAKES WORK. I knew we would remain tied together because of the beautiful kids we’ve co-created. What I didn’t expect was the WORK and ENERGY it would take to maintain our relationship.
2. THERE IS MORE SUPPORT THAN JUST LAWYERS To be fair, back when I separated, collaborative family law and mediation either didn’t exist or I couldn’t find it. Certainly divorce coaching didn’t exist. I knew I wanted an amicable separation and a fair division of both our assets and our parenting, and we had all but agreed how things would look but finding a lawyer to support a collaborative, cooperative and amicable resolution was really fkn hard. Thankfully, that’s changed AND... I’m gonna tell you, you need MORE than a lawyer. You need an accountant. A financial advisor. A vendor advocate. A buyers advocate. Maybe a psychologist or a counsellor for yourself or your kids. And a coach.
3. YOU NEED TO PLAY THE LONG GAME. Think, plan, act and make decisions for the LONG TERM. Plan out 5, 10, even 20 years ahead. How do you want your life to look and feel? Where will you live? What work will you do? What do you want your money to have done for you? How will you generate an income as a single parent? How will you best meet your needs - emotional, physical and financial - and those of your children. How will you create a new version of your family? How will your life look when you’re 50, 60, 70 and beyond.
Coaching helps with all 3 of these...
1. Helping you disconnect, set and hold healthy boundaries, and build an effective co-parenting relationship with your ex-partner.
2. Support to build the right team, and choose advisors who are aligned with YOUR VISION of your divorce and life afterwards.
3. Strategy for creating a PLAN for your ideal life beyond divorce, with supported ACTION STEPS to move you forward.
WHAT DO YOU WISH YOU KNEW?
